Today’s draw is about the shearing away of what is over and gone, and the necessity of sitting in quiet contemplation while it happens. This is a natural process, an organic thing that accompanies changes between one state and another: what went before and was so critical at the time is no longer useful, and in fact may be weighing you down and causing toxic reactions in your new reality. Let it go. Sit down, breathe, and let yourself feel whatever is true at the moment. Do that meditative thing where everything just passes you by. Cling to nothing, and just float in the eternal now.
There is no hiding from reality, no matter how hard you’ve been trying. What is, is, so let it be. Let go of childish things, and be much more measured and thoughtful in everything you do. Let go of what is dead, and let fresh energy come in and be born. You’re done with what’s past, so quit dragging it up. Let it go. Turn around and face the new reality. A new you is being born.
Today’s draw is about relationships and what’s going on in your closest ties. Are those relationships not what you had hoped they would be, or thought they would be? Are you still looking for that one perfect someone who will “get” you? Yeah, ok, that thought needs to go into the Great Grave where all crazy relationship expectations go to die. And it’s possible that the relationships (or the ideas about those relationships) themselves need to go into the great grave as well. It’s time to see things as they really are. Only then can you receive the help your guardian angels (or guides, or Ancestors, or the Noodly Appendages of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) are trying to give you. They can’t help you if you’re running around pretending to be something you’re not. You need to stop, take a deep breath, open your eyes, see the situation for what it is, and let go. And the sooner you do this, the sooner you can get the help you need.
This wounding you’re carrying is old. Very old. And it’s not just yours, it’s ancestral. I was thinking yesterday about my own inability to keep weight off–it’s a thing for me that I’m dealing with right now after a recent loss and regain of a big chunk of weight. Last night at the gym I remembered that my father struggled with his weight too, and with addictions and a variety of self-destructive behaviors that I seem to have inherited. So (of course) today’s draw is all about this: ancestral wounding that we are each working out in our own lives, not only for ourselves but for our people as well, both here (e.g., our children or the children we love) and elsewhere (e.g., our ancestors). I have also been thinking about the issue of race relations in America and the history of slavery, and how scientific researchers are beginning to discover that ancestral experiences get coded into the DNA of ensuing generations going forward–meaning that black Americans are currently processing the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical ramifications of being black in America WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY processing their profound ancestral wounding of everything that goes along with being systematically enslaved. And white people who are not allies, who perhaps have a history of racism and white supremacy in their backgrounds, are processing everything that means in addition to their own feelings about the changes in the world. Today’s draw is a reminder of that: the web has been woven very densely around all of us, and being embodied in this reality means accepting that. You can’t escape it, even in death. Not here. So the thing to do is (gently) allow yourself to heal, and let what is dead serve as compost for what is to come. Let your scars tell your stories and the stories of your people, but don’t become your scars.
It’s ok to be in the midst of a flow in which you have no idea what’s happening or what to do next. It’s more normal than maybe we’ve been led to believe by the media-hype machine that shows people doing what they’re supposed to be doing (or not) and reaping the rewards for it (or providing a tidy learning experience for the rest of us). In fact, chaos is normal and all a matter of perspective. So think today about how you define chaos, and maybe play with the idea of driving blind (metaphorically, PLEASE; don’t anybody actually try to drive blind), just to see what happens and where you end up. Be vulnerable. I mean, you already are vulnerable right now anyway, so maybe just let yourself be aware of your vulnerability rather than shielding up. What happens when you stay soft? You’re human. You’re here to live a human life. So be human. Be weird and farty and uncoordinated and strange. Be hairy if you want. Fail. Flail. Be imperfect. Just go. Do. Be. And let it happen.
This is significant: you are becoming your whole, beautiful self, the self you have always been at heart. Old systems and ways of thinking are dying (or are already dead) and are currently composting into the material you’ll need to be born into something new. It’s a process with which you might be uncomfortable–it’s sticky, melty, and gross. But it’s organic and alive, even in death. Keep track of where your thoughts are guiding you during this time, and let all extraneous cluttering thoughts and ideas be cut away. You don’t need them. Focus on your passions, and try your best to not let your addictions overwhelm your feelings. Use what magic you have to stay present and focused.
Today’s draw is about progress toward a goal, whatever that is for you. You are making good progress, but you must remember to release what has died. Let it go and move on. You are moving in the direction of your dreams, so yay, but growth is required to get there. Ow. Growth can be painful or scary (or both), but if you accept that it’s part of a natural process that all things go through in order to achieve the next level, it will be easier. The pain won’t last. You are moving towards health and strength, and you’re more than halfway there. Don’t give up now.